A Guide to Wedding Etiquette

It is quite often assumed that the bride's father picks up the bill for the whole event. Whilst this may have been the case a few years ago, it is not necessarily so today and costs are often shared between both sets of parents. The bride's father does, however, actually have the responsibility for the most enviable task of giving the bride away. He also receives the guests at the reception. In return he pays for the venue and catering, the wedding dress, the bridesmaids' dresses, the cars (except the bridegroom's), the photographer, the flowers for the church and reception, wedding stationery and press announcements. Traditionally, it is the bride's mother who is in charge of all proceedings and catering arrangements.

The remaining costs are the responsibility of the bridegroom. These include the ring(s), the church fees, presents for the bridesmaids, the best man and the ushers and flowers for the bride, the bride's mother, his own mother and the bridesmaids. He also pays for buttonholes for himself and the best man and arranges and pays for transport for him and the best man before the wedding and for himself and his bride afterwards.

Once it has been decided who pays for what, it is well worth drawing up a timetable for the big day. This can form the basic check-list for all activities and helps to ensure that all events go according to plan. Within this timetable, all events from the service to the last record on the dance floor should be considered. As a guide, about 40 minutes should be allowed for the service with another 60 minutes for the photographer. To this must be added the time it will take to travel from the church to the reception venue. Further photographs and reception drinks at the venue will add almost another hour and following this is the line-up which can take anything from 15 minutes depending on the number of guests attending. The wedding banquet itself traditionally follows and 2 hours should be allowed for the meal, the cutting of the cake and speeches. Once these have finished, the wedding party has the option to retire which will allow proceedings to quieten down until the evening reception starts, usually about 7.30 pm.

On arriving at the reception, guests are generally offered an aperitif such as champagne, Pimms or the very popular Bucks Fizz. This is followed by the line-up. At the head will be the bride's parents followed by the bride and groom, the groom's parents, the bridesmaids and best man. The line-up ensures that both families have the opportunity to speak to all the guests, though conversation should be kept brief to avoid unnecessary queuing.

After the meal, the cake is cut by the bride and bridegroom and the speeches then follow. These begin with a toast to the bride and bridegroom. This is generally proposed by the bride's father, but can be by a close relative or friend of the family. The bridegroom then responds with a toast to the bridesmaids before the speeches are brought to a close by the best man, who also reads any cards and emails.

An alternative, which is becoming more popular, is to have the speeches and toasts before the meal. This, at least, allows the more nervous speakers to enjoy the meal. If this is your option, then do let the caterers know in advance.

The top table usually consists of 10 people. Seated right to left facing the guests they are the best man, the chief bridesmaid, the groom's father, the bride's mother, the groom, the bride, the bride's father, the groom's mother and the remaining bridesmaids.

Obviously exact arrangements will vary from couple to couple. This is where the help from a wedding consultant will prove invaluable. She will guide you gently through all aspects of your wedding so that you can relax and enjoy your big day.